Jeremy Clarkson awkwardly caught a man pleasuring himself in a parked car (Picture: Getty)

Jeremy Clarkson has remembered pulling up beside a parked car only to realise that the driver in the neighbouring vehicle was smoking a joint and pleasuring himself… as you do.

The Diddly Squat farmer had been accompanied by his girlfriend Lisa Hogan when the X-rated encounter took place and recalled how the man was not an inch embarrassed after being caught red-handed.

Instead, the driver only expressed regret over the circumstance in which he met former Top Gear star Jezza.

‘I was coming home from the pub the other night when I saw a car parked at the side of the road, in the middle of nowhere, next to what I call “the Big Wood”,’ Jeremy recalled.

‘And as there have been reports in recent weeks of poachers in the area, I thought it might be prudent to stop to see what was what.

Jeremy said the man lowered his window after being caught (Picture: Amazon)

‘So I pulled up alongside the car and inside was a young man who was using one hand to smoke a large joint and the other to, how can I put this, frantically pleasure himself.’

Jeremy continued: ‘Lisa and I had time to exchange a smile before the young man realised we were there, stopped what he was doing and lowered his window. “Oh my God,” he said. “You’re Jeremy Clarkson.”

Jeremy had been with his girlfriend Lisa at the time of the X-rated encounter (Picture: Getty)

‘Now at this point a normal person would have made all sorts of mumbled excuses about how they’d pulled over because they’d had an, um, itch and had decided, while scratching it furiously to, er, light a perfectly legal roll-up. But instead the young man said coolly, “I wish we could have met in different circumstances.”’

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Jeremy admitted he still finds joy remembering the bizarre encounter and added in his Sunday Times column: ‘I still chuckle when I think of this exchange. Which is good because, in other news, my rape’s gone wrong.’

Yep, we have no words either.

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